Had a very difficult night last night Mum with thoughts of your last days playing like a film in my mind. I still don't think it's quite sunk in that you're gone and every so often the realisation seems to knock me sideways. I think at first it just feels a bit like you've gone away for a while but I'm starting to think 'ok you can come back now' and then I realise that you never will. Why oh why don't we cherish those we love more while we have them. Why didn't I visit more knowing how much you loved our company. I'm so very sorry for all the times I failed you Mum. The pain of losing you rips at my heart and I will love you eternally.